FORGIVING OTHERS
The Explanation
To forgive those who have offended us can be both a challenging and powerful experience. We all face times when we have experienced pain caused by someone else that, if left unchecked, can influence our thinking and shape our behaviour.
Jesus clearly taught his followers to create the habit of forgiving others, and it is, of course, something he, too, lived by. For example:
As he was being crucified, Jesus prayed; Luke 23:34 (NIV) - “Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
Peter, one of Jesus’ disciples, asked him how often we should forgive and got the following response. Matthew 18:22 (NIV) - “Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” The point Jesus was making is that we should practice forgiving others. By doing this, we bring freedom into our lives as well as the lives of others.
Forgiveness - As A Daily Practice
Jesus taught his followers to pray and say the following words daily:
“And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”
The Practice
Dr Everett Worthington suggests the following REACH process that you may find helpful.
R = Recall the hurt. To heal, you have to face the fact that you’ve been hurt. Make up your mind not to be snarky (i.e., nasty and hurtful), not to treat yourself like a victim, and not to treat the other person as a jerk. Make a decision to forgive. Decide that you are not going to pursue payback but you will treat the person as a valuable person.
E = Empathise with your partner. Empathy is putting yourself in the other person’s chair. Pretend that the other person is in an empty chair across from you. Talk to them. Pour your heart out. Then, when you’ve had your say, sit in their chair. Talk back to the imaginary you in a way that helps you see why the other person might have wronged you. This builds empathy, and even if you can’t empathise, you might feel more sympathy, compassion, or love, which helps you heal from hurt. This allows you to continue on to give…
A = Altruistic gift. Give forgiveness as an unselfish, altruistic gift. We all can remember when we wronged someone - maybe a parent, teacher, or friend - and the person forgave us. We felt light and free, and we didn’t want to disappoint that person by doing wrong again. By forgiving unselfishly, you can give that same gift to someone who hurt you.
C = Commit. Once you’ve forgiven, write a note to yourself - something as simple as, “Today, I forgave [person’s name] for hurting me.” This helps your forgiveness last.
H = Hold onto forgiveness. We write notes of commitment because we will almost surely be tempted to doubt that we really forgave. We can reread our notes to reaffirm the forgiveness we have given the other person.
MORE RESOURCES
Explore the following Bible Reading plan on the YouVersion app.
